5 Funny Questions People Ask About Hiking

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5 Funny Questions People Ask About Hiking



How do I go to the bathroom when hiking?

Alright, so this is a funny but practical question from every newbie hiker. The key is to go when you have to go. Don’t let yourself get uncomfortable. When you have to go, find a secluded spot for privacy (behind some trees or dense bushes, there’s no toilet) and go. But, for God’s sake, please bring a trowel with you so you can dig a hole and do your business there. I’m sure no one would like to accidentally step in your shi*t.


Here’s another tip for you.


In my opinion, baby wipes do a much better job than toilet paper. Be it toilet paper or baby wipes, pack all your wiping materials in a bag. You can’t bury the wiping materials under any circumstances, because animals will dig them up, resulting in an environmental mess.


Simple as that. Don’t feel embarrassed.


Remember, the view will be far nicer than the view from your toilet at home.


Oh, by the way, use hand sanitizer immediately please.


 

Aren’t you afraid of wolf packs? How about the bears? They will eat you.

“There once was a girl, named Little Red Riding Hood…” Forget about that! Wolves aren’t after you. Plus, they will never ever dress up like your grandmother.


On the contrary, they shun humans.


Just like wolves, most bears avoid people. Many hikers never even know that they passed close to a bear because the bear did such a good job of avoiding them. Hence, worry no more. Your risk of being hurt by a bear is lower than your risk of being hit by lightning. However, bears do get attracted to all human food and garbage.


So, if you don’t want to say hello to them, make sure you pack out all trash, leftover food, and litter (as mentioned, don’t bury them).

 

Do you carry a pocket knife for self-defense? I mean, chances are low for you to be attacked by wild creatures, but there’s still a chance, right?

My darling, if an aggressive bears charged you, do you really think you would have time to search the backpack for your pocket knife, and after that, find the nerve and aim to stick it in a vital part of the bear? Well, I guess chances are you wouldn’t. In that situation, the only sensible thing you can do is climbing a tree.


Oh no, wait!


Unlike grizzly bears, black bears are known to be good at climbing trees! Then you’re screwed.


Good luck.


No, I’m just kidding.


In that situation, bear pepper spray has proven very effective at repelling approaching or aggressive bears and reducing the incidence of human injury.

 

What if you are attacked by someone coming out of the bushes? Is bear pepper spray going to be worked?

Okay. I’m speechless. I mean, who could be hiding in the bushes on a mountain crest? A thief, a pickpocket, a serial killer, or a sexual maniac? Now, a thief is essentially a person who is too lazy to work. Hence, it is unlikely that he or she will want to walk hours in the woods for a few dollars and mobile phones.


And a maniac, we’re now talking about a forest, dude.


The last time I checked, forest is a place devoid of houses, bars, and shops. Nothing, just trees (and rocks, and bugs, and…) I don’t think the maniac would be standing and waiting an entire day to see maybe 4-5 people coming up the trail.


If you really concerned about the crime in a natural park, how can you find the guts to go into town?

 

When does it reach the top? I’m tired.

This question seemed to be the frequently asked question during hiking. Some people join these guided hikes not knowing what they put themselves into.


Breaking news: There’s no shuttle bus or cabin car at the top there waiting to send you back to start. You normally have to walk back to where you parked your car.


So next time, try this question: When does it reach the bottom?

 


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